LET'S TALK ABOUT GENDER

And mainly the fact that I'm having a little trouble grasping the concept.

The norwegian word for gender means the socially constructed gender, but it also means "genitals". And to me, gender is purely the latter. It's a physical part of you, you're born with it and it can do great stuff and that's where it ends. It has nothing to do with you as a person. So here's where I get confused. I realize some people just haven't 'got it' yet, and honestly mean that being born with certain parts means you must act a certain way, but to me that's just as silly as saying all blondes are dumb and gingers have no soul. The thought of defining an entire personality from some physical traits you just happen to be born with is just bizarre to me. And it always has been.

This is rooted in my childhood I believe. I grew up in the 90s, I'd seen the traditional gender roles on TV and such, but as it wasn't the reality in my house it was just something "someone else did". Which is still how I view a lot of stuff in the world, I know stuff exists and happens to people, but it's to other people. Not me. I'm a feminist, I think feminism is very important but I've never thought it to be relevant to me. To women, yes. Not me, I'm just a supporter.

I'm sure people still get affected by gender roles out there, but I haven't really experienced them personally.

As a kid, I cut my hair short so I could look like my hero Rasmus På Luffen, and never wore dresses as they were a pain to play and climb trees with. My dream career was becoming a cowboy or a pirate (you can just imagine how my world crumbled the day I realized those weren't really professions.) I didn't look or act like a boy OR a girl, because I was a child and that was that. I still remember the day I discovered that not everyone saw things that way, it was in first grade; I was 7, it was a very warm day, all the boys took off their t-shirts, and naturally I did the same. And it took some of the other girls less than a second to inform me that I'd done something horribly wrong. I tried to tell them that I understand it's different when you grow up, but we were kids and still looked the identical, how could it be wrong for me to be shirtless and not them?

It was no point however, I put my shirt back on as quickly as possible and was mortified and ashamed for years after that, but at the same time I was furious because I KNEW I'd done nothing wrong. That is still the only time in my lilfe I've felt SHAME, and it's a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling and the thought that people spend entire lives with it breaks my heart.

After that dreadful experience I tried to fit in like everyone else, and didn't feel comfortable in my own skin until I was in my twenties. Partially because of the terrible teens and twelve years of menstruating. I cried myself to sleep and couldn't think of anything I'd want more than to rip out that cursed, useless womb. I still don't care for it, but now it's deactivated thanks to some blessed progestin-shots. It's like getting injectet with a fresh will to live every three months, my entire life changed the day I started on them. For real.

Of course, I'd much rather rip the thing out and not need the shots, but surgery is a much bigger deal. Sure, I might fantasize about a beautiful flat chest and dream that my tatas will fall off someday but as I'm only an A-cup and it feels severe to chop body parts off I'll just tolerate them for the time being. Again, surgery's serious.
It's not something you do unless its completely necessary, it's dangerous, everyone knows that, and yet some people still think it's a reasonable thing to make people do if all they want is to use a different pronoun than the one their birth parts corresponds with. Bizarre.

I'm priveliged. I'm well aware that I am. I'm a white Norwegian human. And yes, I am technically a female as I was born with female parts, but apart from that childhood experience mentioned earlier I have rarely experienced being treated like anything other than a person. In fact, the only time in my everyday life I give a though to gender is when I have to choose which toilet to use. And even there I'm not fussy, I'll use the gents' if the ladies' is busy (as it usually is) and since men rarely loiter around in there I have not yet experienced someone telling me to GTFO.

So until I do I'll just cruise through life on my ridiculously high horse, and try to keep in mind that I'm WAY luckier than most people.

Stuff that annoys me in Gilmore Girls

I love Gilmore Girls. (Yes, I'm one of those.) But it's not so much about the mother/daughter-thing, it's a little about the small town-thing and mostly about the pop culture-references. I mean, I though it looked like a total crapfest for YEARS, and only decided to give it a shot because Sparks was gonna be on there, and ended up getting totally hooked.

Besides, I can't think of any other show that would have a young woman saying "you brought me the head of Alfredo Garcia!" when she gets a present, compare two different baby-personalities to Brian Jonestown Massacre & Dandy Warhols, have Sonic Youth as buskers - the list is endless, basically.

But it is within the awesomeness we find my annoyances.
(Also, this is stuff I only think of whenever I watch certain episodes, not something I carry with me. So I expect this post will be updated when I remember more.)

NUMBER 1:
When planning for Lorelai's birthday week, Lane gets the job to pick a song from every year Lorelai's been alive, and I quote:

LANE: Good. I’ve decided to choose one song from each year in Lorelai’s life. I’m almost done, though I’ve hit a snag in 1974.
RORY: Bad year?
LANE: It’s making the year of the Macarena look inspired.

I'm sorry, but 1974 was actually quite a year. In my opinion. But also judging by what we know about the music tastes of the characters, it should be to them as well. And most of all, it was also the year Sparks released TWO albums, that to this day is hailed as their best by most. It's the year of their biggest single. No other TV show in history has used Sparks as much as Gilmore Girls, Rory, Lane & Lorelai are all portayed as fans, which makes it impossible to believe they can't find ANYTHING in that year. (But yes, I believe this episode precedes all the Sparks-references, but it was still a big year for Gilmore-music. THE WAY WE WERE were still in the charts, for crying out loud.)

I know it's just supposed to be a joke, but as they're all portrayed as music snobs that mock modern music and continously praise the 70s, it just doesn't fit.

NUMBER 2:
A similar complaint, where the entire personality of the characters is thrown out for one small joke. When Rory is given a Birkin-bag by her boyfriend, and hearing the name her only comment is "I went to school with a guy named Birkin".

Now, I realize that since she's supposed to be clueless about the significance of the bag wouldn't be the same if she mentions Jane Birkin (who the bag is named after), but seeing as they seem to idolize every siren of the 70s in this show, it's just really out of character that she apparently doesn't even think of Jane Birkin when hearing about the Birkin-bag.


And yes, this might be insanely nerdy and nitpicky, but this is a show for nerds and nitpickers after all. What's the point even watching it if you don't catch the references?

Me? I'm just a [insert term here], you can tell me by the way I walk.

I keep forgetting I have this blog. But I made it to rant, and I have definitely not stopped ranting, only now I do it on twitter which is just dumb. Extra work and I'm definitely annoying people, which is exactly what I hoped to avoid by creating this blog.

My latest peeve is LABELS. I see I've mentioned something similar before, in my clothing/style-post, but it's an ongoing thing. I can't stand mobs. If I'm in a discussion with two people who agree, I have to disagree. Even if I agree with them in the first place. There's a million sides to everything, and just because people agree with one thing it doesn't necessarily mean they discard everything else but I need to remind them.

This is a bit different though, one thing is to find a label for your identity, it's something else to build an entire identity around a label. And it's almost entirely an online phenomenon.

We all know them. The ones who find themselves, and then really BECOME themselves. We're talking memes. Mentioning your new "title" to everything you do, because suddenly you're everyday activites have a deeper meaning. Sharing everything related to it because "look! this person is like me".

It somehow always makes me think of Tim Whatley from Seinfeld, who Jerry suspects converts to Judaism just for the jokes.

Is this really you, or are you just delighted to finally find some life instructions?

It's obviously a confidence issue. These people have probably struggled their entire life, whether it's sexual orientation, cultural identity or mental illness. Suddenly there's nothing wrong with them (not that there ever was though), they're just a different breed! The ugly duckling all over again.
But to me, this doesn't seem like a solution at all, at least not when it comes to confidence. If you need to see a bunch like you to understand you're worth something as a person, then you still have some issues to sort out. It's like those who can't be confident with their own choice unless they see someone else choose the same. (This does NOT mean my previous examples is in any way choices. But how you cope with them are.)

And it's almost like we're automatically supposed to understand something better if there's more of it. If I met a single Brony I'd think he/she was weird. If I met a whole crowd of Bronies... nope, still weird! Your choices might be percieved as just as strange by others, no matter how many you share them with. (Take religion, for instance.)

A person asking you about you will most likely want to hear YOUR opinion anyway. If they ask you about something personal, speak for you! Don't speak for your religion, your subculture, your gender or your diagnosis. You're your own person. Unless you just sound like you're part of a cult.


Another thing is when I see people sharing links to articles on "this is how to act around someone with depression/anxiety etc. (the list is endless)", and it's always the people who have these issues themselves. You know what? I think people would appreciate hearing it from you personally rather than be directed to what someone else said on the matter. Besides, it's not this that makes you interesting, because people in general are interesting! So many fascinating facets and different thoughts, why anyone would voluntarily sum themselves up with a few generic terms is beyond me.

And the worst part is how we all agree that some terms are idiotic: "You're a girl/boy, therefore you must be...". We all hate that! In fact, we usually dislike whenever anyone assumes anything about us. And yet we're perfectly happy with assigning our own. Even though it is hard work, as there's always people out there ready to tarnish your image and you constantly need to clarify what you're really about. Like that person who got annoyed that there's so many different definitions to the word "vegetarian" and that made it hard to find food. How about just saying what you can eat, rather than worry how other people interpret interpret the word? In fact, most people who find words to describe themselves still need to explain what that means on a daily basis.
Seems like a total hassle if you ask me.

I guess it's our herd mentality. Most people need, and even want, a pack.
We want an individual identity, but apparently preferably one that comes with instructions.

Let's talk about (a)sexuality!

First: This is not a post explaining asexuality, if you're curious there's tons of stuff online.

Just Google it.

But yes, asexuality is not something you hear about too often. I mean, I'm asexual and I hardly ever talk about it. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, but because it's not a big deal. It's never been a struggle for me. It's hardly been an issue. It's not a huge part of me, it's just an aspect that's not there. And if it's not there, there's nothing to focus on.

Asexuality for me is most easily described as a lack of interest. I just don't care. I'm not scared of sex, I've just never had the interest. I've also never had the desire to live with a partner, or have a family.

The reason I'm writing this, is because something is starting to really get to me, and that's the fact that I can't seem to get anyone to talk about sexuality with me. I have no bounds, I'll talk about anything, but even people who'll happily share every sexual experience they've ever had with me clam up the second I try to ask how it works.

My question is, IS IT A PHYSICAL NEED? OR IS IT A WANT?

We need sleep. We need food. We need to go to the bathroom. These are all needs it's impossible to ignore. Some people say they need chocolate, but truth is they just want it.

And I've always thought about sex in the same way.

I «need» coffee. I love coffee. I drink it every day, and I never say no if it's offered to me.

But if someone tells me they don't like coffee, that's not surprising to me. Even though we live in a world where the amount of Starbuckses should indicate that coffee should be a big deal to everyone, I still don't have trouble believing them. No matter how much I like it personally, and I don't secretly think the only reason they don't like it is because they haven't had real good coffee yet.

But when I tell people I'm asexual, people don't believe me. I need to explain, and it still feels like they think I'm just not sure. Like I just said that I never sleep. That I don't need sleep.

So is it a want, or a need?

If I see an attractive man, I appreciate his attractiveness, but I don't feel any need to be around him. 

I might want to be in the same room, just to see how he moves, or see if he's interesting to talk to, but that's it. Take this year's Eurovision, for instance. I found Malta's leading man to be one of the cutest I've ever seeen, but that just means I'm fine with just looking at this video every once in a while.

Thus, I might get a bit judgemental towards some people, since until I can find someone who'll explain this to me, I'll just picture anyone who says they need sex as an overweight person stuffing their face with chocolate because they need it.

Some thoughts on (vintage) style.

I love rules. I love regulations. I panic when people don't follow rules, because that means chaos, and I need 

things to be neat and organized and regulated. Except when it comes to clothes.

I can truly say I've been through more style phases than most, I grew up in the 90s so I was a typical 90s kid, then in my early teens I jumped on the goth/emo/metal-bandwagon (mainly because no one else at my school did), in high school I did an eclectic mix of colours and 70s and hippie looks, using tons of my mom's old stuff and some new bright neon colors. I had a sixties phase, miniskirts and eyeliner and Julie Driscoll-hair, preppy librarian-style, and a couple of years ago all I wore was t-shirts and hoodies and even the odd trucker cap. I've done the 80s skinhead-style, complete with braces and Chelsea girl-hair. I even had a pagan/medieval phase, with flowing gowns and hair.

It might sound like I just can't seem to make up my mind, but truth is; I just love clothes. Styles. Love to dress up, both fancy and fancy dress. Life's too short to wear boring clothes etc. But people who put rules on their style? Come on. 

I've always been one for flea markets and thrift stores, so old clothes have surrounded me always. And I love old stuff. Anything older than me makes me jump for joy, so I suppose the only natural course of action is to let my clothes reflect that. And like I've mentioned, I've sort of been through the last five decades stylewise already. I like the fifties style. The forties style. The thirties. Definitely the twenties. You pick any decade, from here to year 0, and I will probably love it. This definitely puts me in the vintage-category, but I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I like it when girls commit to the «vintage»-style, and spend time curling their hair and cultivating their look no matter what. But I just don't know how they do it. Every time I think I've found my look, it takes a few weeks and then I want to try something new. I just love too many things, I can't tie myself to just one of them. Part of the reason for this is the rules. The most ridiculous thing I read is girls bitching about other girls for failing. Especially in the «vintage»-scene. («Geez, 40s clothes with modern hair and 60s-make up? How fail can you get doi hoi»). I hate to break it to you, but you live in 2013. I believe «vintage» is used to describe stuff from 20s-80s. If you, like me, was born in the late 80s you hardly have the right to call yourself vintage. There's is no difference between you in your pincurls and authentic 50s dress and that retro-girl down the road in her curling iron curls and Hell Bunny-dress.

That's what bugs me the most, how judgemental they can be to the gals who ain't «tr00» (a little metal-lingo there for ya), the ones who don't care how authentic their hair or makeup is and (god forbid) get their clothes at modern stores like H&M.
I'm sorry, but you might have spent years cultivating the ultimate 1928/1945/1956-style, but to the rest of the world you just look like a frumpy old lady or a hipster. The average person will never notice how «authentic» you look. The ones who will notice, however, are the «wannabes» you'd rather not associate yourself with..

Clothes should be fun. Hair should be fun. Spending weeks studying how women dressed in the year 1936 or trying to achieve that perfect wave or pincurl just doesn't sound like fun to me. 

I was born in '88. I have no right to claim any of the previous decades because I weren't there. 

I live here, now and I wanna be able to pair my 60s tweed suit with a Jedward-t shirt. I want to put on perfect 20s makeup and then wear my 70s Mao-suit.

I want to be able to dress like a clown one day, a boy the next without worrying how it can be tied to «my style», because it IS my style. I have a rather eclectic personality, naturally my clothes reflect that.

I should probably mention that this post might be tainted with my notorious «fear» of accidentally falling into a scene. I quickly abandoned my goth-look when I started high school, simply because there was a couple other goths there. I've always been the loner, the outcast, and even in groups that share my interests I still can't seem to fit in. So to avoid the whole business of socializing I try not to wear anything that can be perceived as a scene-uniform.  

Just because you have nice clothes doesn't mean I'll like you. And I'm pretty sure you won't like me either.

THE FOOD RANT

I am not a vegetarian. I am not a vegan. I eat fish, so I suppose I'm a pescetarian, but since I despise shellfish and seafood and don't like to call myself one. I eat eggs. I eat dairy. I love cheese more than anything.
I just don't eat meat. Shouldn't be so complicated. But it is.

Being a non-meat eater in Norway totally sucks. Much like lactose- and gluten-intolerance, vegetarians are mostly being ignored. You'd be luck to find anything vegetarian on any menu, and if you do it's often just one option, usually with eggs and cheese, so I can only imagine how it must suck to be vegan.  

There's rarely veggie-options in the stores, soy and tofu is non-existent unless you happed to live in a big city with super-supermarkets. The most annoying part though, is that there is zero system for marking foodstuffs. I always think it's so amazing when I'm in England and there's a pretty green V on the stuff I can eat. That don't exist here. However, they've been able to mark tons of stuff with a stupid keyhole, because it's «a little bit healthier». Most pointless stuff ever. Gluten-intolerance is becoming more common as well (thank god I'm spared, but that doesn't mean I can't get it someday), and you'd think it'd be a good idea to write on stuff whether it contains gluten or not.  But no. 

Another issue I've had is with gelatine. I don't like it, it makes me feel sick but if I want candy it's completely unavoidable. I recently became aware of agar agar, and immediately looked online to find it. Found some at a Norwegian health food store, £20 for 50 grams. Seriously. I looked online, and found 500 grams for £5. Now, I order most things online anyways, like most people these days, but I wish it wasn't necessary. My latest quest is for some supergluten flour as it seems it's wonderful to use when making veggie burgers and stuff. (The Norwegian stores have some online, at about the same price as gold.)

Things might be changing, though. I was delighted to discover one of my favourite treats has exchanged the stupid gelatine for agar instead.  But come on. They should do that with everything. Norway has an increasing muslim-population, we have some jews as well, so it would only be good for business for Norwegian food producers to make stuff we all can eat.  

Jeez, I saw a program about jews in Norway and they had to bring the longest list ever of e-numbers to the store to make sure the stuff they bought was kosher. Like seriously. Like I mentioned earlier I eat fish, but I still have to read labels as they make fish cakes with bacon in them. There's a whole shelf of various instant just-add-water mini-meals in the supermarket, (pastas, soups, mashed potatoes and stuff), and there's meat in every. single. one. Not that I like those kinds of foods, but come on. It's the principle.

I make most stuff from scratch anyway, because it's fun and taste better, but if you're on any kind of special diet you kind of have to. Again, options are available, most stores are getting gluten-free shelves, but the problem is that stuff is quite pricey. I bought some soy burgers once, twice the price of normal burgers. I even managed to get fish-hot dogs once. They tasted just like regular hot dogs. For real. The texture was a little different of course, but they had the same smokey taste. Shouldn't be a problem to sell in stores, after all it's a healthier way for Norway to consume it's favorite food. If it hadn't been for the fact that they cost three times as much and had to be ordered in specially, of course. So I only bought them once, as I can't afford such luxury.

So I've never even considered veganism, as I wouldn't be changing my diet but giving up most of it.

Unless you're rich, you can basically forget about getting vegan cheese or vegan wine. Not to mention you should expect to be laughed at if you say you're a vegetarian. Either that, or people get mad at you.

The fact that the animals are suffering doesn't really work as an argument either, because most people don't care. But even people are suffering around the world because of meat production. In Argentina fruits and vegetables are too expensive for most people because most of the land is being used for meat production.

The planet is suffering because of meat production. And still veganism is referred to as ridiculous. Oy vey.

I'm Julie, a kosher-pescetarian. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, WORLD?

The Great Gatsby

Source.

I'll never forget when I first read the book. It was a few years ago, late in the afternoon and I was stuck in a bus station. I had just missed the bus I was supposed to be on, and me and my giant heavy suitcase was tired after a long day of planes and trains and all we wanted was to curl up in a warm bus and sleep. So there I was, on a cold bench in a cold bus station all by myself, and all I had to keep me company was F. Scott Fitzgerald and The Great Gatsby.

I was hooked after the first few pages, the hours flew by, I couldn't care less where I was and to this day, that remains as one of the greatest reading experiences I've ever had.

So when it comes to this story, all I really care about is the feel of it. I'll never forget how the book made me feel, and that's all I wanted from the film. I couldn't care less about actors or costumes or music, just as long as it felt right. And it did. It gave me chills. Beautiful chills.

Source.

Carey Mulligan, especially. Daisy is a really fascinating character, it's so easy to judge her for not being able to make the (obvious) choice between Tom and Jay, but at the same time we need to understand how she feels when she realizes she can never be what Gatsby has built her up to be. Carey Mulligan did a beautiful job, and she moved me more than a few times.

I thought this was a wonderful, wonderful film, exactly what I expected and more. The way DiCaprio, Mulligan and Edgerton were able to breathe so much life into these people, with all their feelings and love and woe, will undoubtedly stay with me for a while.

Source.

And I just have to: oh my good how good did Joel Edgerton look omg omg omg and that soundtrack I mean Watch The Throne was my favourite album of 2012 and Jay-Z was such a good choice for music and come on all those dresses I mean really and how kickass was it that he cast AMITABH BACHCHAN I mean that's just amazing and Luhrmann I love you I really do. Ok, I'm done.